I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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