dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
