I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
