I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
