Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think i have two assholes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
