thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
