do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
