Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
