if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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