Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
