omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it glows. i had to have it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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