cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
