I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
