What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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