Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize