that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
