How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
