The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
