she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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