All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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