Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize