i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
