Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
