Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
