I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
