if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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