Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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