i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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