his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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