My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
