You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
