and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize