I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
