her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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