I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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