no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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