the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
