she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize