fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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