If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
