There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
