dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
