I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
