It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
