im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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