i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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