I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
