onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
