Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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