I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
