party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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