She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
