I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
