Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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