if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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