You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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