We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
