Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How naked do you want me to be?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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