nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
