Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
