I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
