just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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