I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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