I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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