just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
