I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize