I feel like abortions should bother me more
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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