when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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