I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
