Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do herpes really smell.
Operation Purity has been aborted
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
