His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
