i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sorry about my life...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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