I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
