just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
