plz talk dirty to me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
