my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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