im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
