Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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