You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
