I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
