That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize