He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think my moral compass just broke
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
