im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
