just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
