Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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