I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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