she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
