would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i now understand why vodka
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize