I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
