I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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