I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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