and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we're making bets on your personal life
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
