So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
