Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
