let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
