Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
