If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Congratulations! We have a period
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