Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
