There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize