I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
