It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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