You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
