They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
