We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
