the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
