i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
