I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have aggressive nipples.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize