and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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