Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
